Late Eve Blog

It's late and I can't seem to sleep, so I figured, hey, I haven't written a blog in awhile and I always make an excuse that I don't have time to write, so here it goes.
I figured if I want to become a real blogger one day, I might as well start the annual tradition of a "reflection" blog. So, here it goes:
2008 highlights (in no particular order):
~ Celebrated Elijah's 1st birthday
~ Had very first getaway with my husband. Julian is quickly becoming our favorite romantic hideaway.
~ Started a photography ministry within our Women's Ministry.
~ Went to an amazing Beth Moore conference in San Diego.
~ Joined women's bible study.
~ Started a bible study with some friends.
~ Bought our very first Christmas tree and celebrated in our very own home.
I know I'm missing a lot, but my mind is starting to become mush. It's waaaaaay past my bed time.
Looking forward to 2009:
~ As usual I hope to grow closer in my relationship with the Lord.
~ Continue to learn more about my amazing husband.
~ Get in shape again, I can no longer use the excuse of just having a baby, now it just becomes laziness.
~ Learn more recipes. I love cooking.
~ Become an amazing mom, I have a great example so if I can be half the mother I have I know Elijah will turn out just fine.
~ Grow deeper in my friendship, no more surface-y relationships.
~ Lay my roots down in women's ministry, it's an amazing place to serve and am blessed to be involved.
I pray that you all have an amazing year to look forward to, and whatever resolutions, promises and hopes you have, I pray you keep them and experience the blessings the Lord truly has to offer you.

Quick update

I haven't had the chance to blog lately, and I have so much to share. I still don't have much time, so what I am going to do instead is post a few recent photos from the past couple of months.
Starting from my sweet Elijah's first birthday:



Halloween:




And last, Minnesota, photos aren't that great of quality, but that darn puzzle was absolutely ridiculous!!!

Looking for inspiration...

I enjoyed that last time I asked for blogging topics so much that I'm back at it again. Call it laziness, call it an easy way to blog, but I really enjoy writing about what others really want to read. So, if you are interested, throw out a topic and I'll respond to it as quickly as I can. I always appreciate the input. Thanks y'all.

Took a little break...

Well, it's been a few weeks since I put a blog up and my only excuse is pure distraction! In the past two weeks a lot has happened. First of all, I was completely consumed by the Beijing Olympics. This is the only time I get to enjoy water polo. And I get so proud when I see a fellow Indio Alum coaching the women's water polo team. They got the silver but put up a huge fight when playing against the Netherlands. My poor boys lost against Hungary, but what was amazing about the mens USA team was that they were counted out of the entire competition. But like the Cinderella's of water polo that they are, they surprised everyone and almost made it to the top. They, as did the ladies, took home a silver. Of course everyone was amazed by the machine the is Michael Phelps. As a former swimmer I was completely blown away by what that man accomplished. Who knows if anyone will ever be able to match what he has done. I was so excited to witness history in the making. Honorable mention goes out to Nastia Lukin and Shawn Johnson (I want to carry her around in my pocket!) They made gymnastics a fun sport to watch this year and had such great personalities.
So moving on from that... I have recently found an ongoing "gig" so to say with our women's ministry doing the photography for their events. I am in a leadership position so I get to bring other women around me, who have a passion for photography, serve underneath this area. Another goal is to bring some younger women into this ministry and our new women's directors heart is to bridge the gap between the older and younger women. Above is a picture of the kick off weekend. It was a great turn out and I really hope more women join the events and programs that are happening in the upcoming year.

In other news, Kirk starts school in a week, so be praying for him. It's a lot of work and he will be gone quite a bit. Pray that he is able to balance his work as well as his school work. Pray that I will be extra encouraging to him during this time and that I will not be too selfish with my time with him. I tend to get that way when I know he won't be home as much. I will be starting a women's bible study on Tuesday mornings, not leading, just attending, and I'm really excited for it. Preparations for Elijah's 1st birthday have already started. I can not believe that he is almost a year old.
Well, that's all the update I have for now, I will be back soon. Oh yes, I will. :):)

A Revelation!!

This morning I got to spend some much needed time with my Husband and son. Family Time!! The past few nights Kirk has been helping out some friends lead worship at our former churches summer camp so that meant he was gone in the evening. Also meaning no time with Elijah when he got home. Bummer for him, and coming home to a barely there wife, since I was obviously asleep by 9:30pm!! So this morning after he got ready he tells me, I'm staying home this morning. Yay!! So I quickly got ready and we walked down to Starbucks where the ladies oohed and awed at Elijah. I'm used to it now. ;) While we were there we got to really catch up on the majors and minors of the past few days. I don't like that we miss that time, but it was well worth it to have him home this morning. So as we were talking he let me know about some photography options that would hopefully bring some extra cash in. Wouldn't that be nice. quickly started making excuses as to why I'm not good enough to get paid for my work and no one would want my stuff because it doesn't stand out from every other photographer, there's got to be at least 20 people that I know that are aspiring photographers. Lame. So what sets me apart? Why would some one want to come to me? Other than the fact that I am a friend and it's convenient. So there's the challenge, find out a way to be unique. Get my stuff out there and don't be afraid of criticism! Wow, what a concept.
So, this afternoon I was able to go to a friends house who was putting together floral arrangements for a friends wedding on Saturday. She is hoping to start a flower business and provide some beautiful pieces for weddings, etc. So my job was to try to capture the beauty of her work for her future website. Sweet! My favorite photos happen to be floral photos, I don't know why, I just love to shoot them. So I hope that she enjoys what I did and that this could bring some confidence to myself and force me to get my photos out there. So here are a few photos I took, I hope you enjoy them. :)

Missing my blog: Part four... not missing the blog so much these days.

danielle said...
i like writing about random things that need sharing, so maybe that helps...any interesting things that happen to you, or verses that are inspirational. i like what the first girl said about pictures and i agree with summer's authenticity quote...
Hmmm, Random things? I feel like most of my posts end up being random, so I figure I'll just write and whatever comes to mind will be posted. :):) Good luck with this one!!
Things that bless me:
*My husband
*My baby
*Spending time with my lifelong friends.
-Last night brought a lot of laughter and not suprisingly some tears were shared. Updating each other on our lives was fun and sharing our "challenges" in life was even more exciting. I love those moments when friends allow a vulnerability with one another and really let you in. Those are the friendships I yearn to have and continue to deepen. So in short, I loved last night!!
*Having guests in my home
*The smell of cinnamon water boiling. Smells life a fresh pie baking in the oven and permiates throughout the entire house!
Downer:
*My heart breaks for some friends that are struggling.
Philippians 4:6 NIV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

In Remembrance...

This past weekend Kirk and I drove down to Indian Wells to celebrate the life our our dear friend Lindsey Sowles. About three months ago, Lindsey was diagnosed with a rare form of Soft Tissue Sarcoma. She was 21 and was an active member of the community. While we were at her services we quickly realized the amount of lives that Lindsey had impacted. There seemed to be close to a thousand people there. The service was absolutely beautiful with slideshows and music sung by some of our amazing friends. The people that spoke really touched your heart and gave you a glimpse into Lindsey's life. The whole thing seemed so surreal. I was talking to a friend after the service and just said, the it seemed as if this was supposed to be her wedding, not her funeral. We felt like she would walk in the room any minute with her beautiful smile and she would meet her fiance at the alter.
The whole thing was such an emotional roller coaster. We laughed, we cried, we laughed again. The one thing I was most amazed by was her mom. Debbie and I became pretty close while we worked together at Southwest Community Church and I've always known her to be an incredibly strong woman who was deeply rooted in the Lord. Nothing has changed. When we greeted her and gave our condolences, she simply replied with a "thank you and it's ok. I know she is with the Lord and I would rather her be there than in that hospital." Being a mom now, I could hardly imagine what it would be like to lose my son. I don't even want to think about it.
Debbie's strength is such a testimony to her relationship with the Lord and how at peace Lindsey was in her last days on this earth. Whenever someone I know passes away, I can't help but think about my own life and how the Lord blesses me every morning with breath. That in itself is a daily miracle. To know that she has done all that she could on this earth is an amazing thought. That there is nothing else the Lord wanted her to do here, that He said, ok it's my turn again. Wow. How amazing.
So I write this blog in honor of Lindsey, and the Sowles family. You are in our daily prayers. Thank you for how you have impacted our lives. And we love you dearly.

Missing my blog: Part three

stevenperez said...
"Maybe about being married to someone who is in leadership at a church. I think it's an interesting and overlooked role. It comes with its own set of trials and triumphs. I'd love to hear about some of that as would Haley."
When I first read this response I thought, oh boy, this is going to take awhile. But then I thought, what a great opportunity to really share my heart about something that is so important to me and my husband. I am not going to try and glorify the role of a pastors wife nor am I going to make it sound like it's the hardest thing in the world. Because when you have an amazing leader in your life, it is easy to want to follow them.
Since the day I met Kirk, I along with everyone else that knew him, saw that he was deeply rooted in the word of God and his relationship was solid. When he lead(s) worship you can see his love and passion shine through. He has never been the type of person to "flaunt" his worship. if that makes any sense at all, because his focus has always been on the Lord, not on those he was leading, after all, that's what worship is about, right?! When Kirk and I were dating, he is the one that made sure we prayed every night before we say goodbye and goodnight to each other, and we still do that to this very day. now all that to say, i feel that it is the most important thing to have my husband be in tune with the Lord always.
Now as for my role, I have not always been the type of person to want to be submissive, especially to a man. Before I got saved, I was the type of woman who decided I would do everything I could to be independent from everything and be able to take care of myself. That is one of the biggest changes in my life since I came to know the Lord. I can still see it come out every once and a while and I am quickly reminded that, that is not the woman God made me to be.
Now that I am at home with our son and no longer work in an office I am in the midst of what I, and Kirk, feel I am called to do. Serving next to my husband and serving him by caring for our son has been the biggest blessing I could ever ask for. Now, it hasn't been all perfect and wonderful, being a pastors wife has definitely come with it's sacrifices. I think when you are in ministry, it is more than a 40 hour a week job. It's more than just a day job. Ministry doesn't end. Why? Because you are dealing with people, some who often need help and when you are their pastor, you are on call. So boundaries are necessary. You can't predict when people are going to call you because they need help or because volunteers can't remember how things are supposed to be done. So to expect my husband to leave his "work" at work is sometimes not an option. We have to constantly remind ourselves, however, that the Lord calls us to serve the Lord then our families then everything else comes after that.
What has been really cool for me is to be able to connect with the women who either serve in Kirk's ministry or are spouses of those who serve in his ministry. I have met some of the most amazing women though him and have made some life long friends.
So, Steven and Haley, to you I say, stay rooted in the Lord first and foremost. Love one another and Haley, be willing to sacrifice some of your time with your husband, because there will be times when he has to go somewhere for ministry and you have to stay home and all you want him to do is blow it off to stay at home and spend time together. I am so grateful to serve with him and a life in ministry is one of the coolest jobs you could ask for. You always have a chance to travel, you may have to move, but you are constantly meeting new people who love the Lord and there is always a new place to serve.

Missing my blog: Part two

summer said...
Writers block hmmmm.... I guess I would like to hear about you. The reason I read blog's and twitter is to learn about the heart of the person. What is important to them, what was thought provoking during the day, what inspired them, what experiences life brings both good and bad. real Authenticity, no fluff just heart. Thats what I like to read, however you know I am about authenticity right now anyhow. Have fun :)

Well, this past week Elijah and I went up north to visit my mom and step dad while Kirk attended a worship conference in Austin, Texas. We were there for about 10 days and had such a wonderful time visiting with them and meeting their friends. It's about time, they've only been there for a year and a half! Anyway, this week I realized how much I love my husband and hate for him to be away. Kirk and I have not been apart for extended periods of time since Elijah has been born and let me tell you, I have such an appreciation for single mother's. Or fathers for that matter. Being on your own taking care of your child is a lot harder than it sounds. And even though we were at the grandparents home, they were working all week, so there was no relief until maybe the next morning. I know how blessed and spoiled I am to have my husband come home for lunch almost every day and play with Elijah during the short time he is home, allowing me to get some work done or just rest. Although I recognize it, I underestimate the amount of help and relief is given during that short time. So to all of you parents who are on your own, I give you mad props because you are amazing people for being able to do what you do.
Now, my beautiful, wonderful son grew up so much in these short 10 days of being away from home. He had already begun to start crawling a little bit, but it was more like two quick strides and then onto his bottom. While we were gone he went from one end of the house to the other, and quick too! He just became so independent in such a short amount of time, my little boy is growing up. He also cut a tooth. It's the bottom front right tooth and when he smiles real big you can see the tip of it shining. And after a very long nine months of going back and forth from room to room in the middle of the night as well as going back and forth trying to decide whether we should let him cry, Elijah started to sleep through the night! From 7:30pm to 6:30am my baby is sound asleep. No tricks, no special sleeping patterns, he decided he was tired of waking up and just stayed asleep. And to top it off, I can give him a bottle and he will sleep for another 1-2 hours. Praise The Lord!!!
Finally on Friday, one week after Elijah and I arrived, Kirky joined us in Discovery Bay and all was complete and right in the world again. I missed him so much and even my mom said,"As much as we love you, and are excited to see you, things just aren't complete with out Kirk here." How cool is that?! My mom and Mike are used to having just me in the house because it was just us for 11 years. But Kirk completes me so much and connects to my family so well that not even my parents feel right when he's not there. I love that!!
Saturday Mom and Mike threw a party for Elijah... and his parents... so that all of they're friends could meet him and love on him. It was so nice being able to spend time with these people who have become their family in a new place. We ate, we drank, we were merry. :)
It's so great to be home now and see Elijah scurry around his home and explore all the little things that he shouldn't be getting into. He has already learned how to climb the stairs, with no assistance, but very, very close supervision. He is pulling himself up in his crib and I swear he is almost ready to jump out of that thing. All that to say, I am glad to be home, I miss my mom and Mike, but I'm glad to be home.
Oh and the featured photos are some shots I took at a Catholic church (more to come) and while Mike and I were on the bike in pursuit of t=some quick shots before the sun went down. i hope you enjoy them.
Remember all of my photos can be viewed on my Flickr page any time you would like to see them.

A story you all should hear...

Lindsey Sowles is such an amazing testimony. Her story and battle need to be spread. I hope one day that we could all have the strength she has.

Please follow this link to hear her story...
http://www.KESQ.com/global/video/popup/pop_playerLaunch.asp?vt1=v&clipFormat=flv&clipId1=2586618&at1=News&h1=Former Bob Hope Classic Girl, 21, Faces Grim Prognosis (6/12)

Missing my blog... continued

Based off of the first comment/request I got, here it is...
I would love to continue to do this, so please feel free to keep sending your ideas my way.

"shannon b. said...
I just love seeing all the cute pictures of your family!!!"

Missing my blog...

It's been over a month now since my last blog. I guess I haven't felt that there is much to blog about lately. Even now I am having a hard time figuring out what to write about. I want to write about something meaningful, something impactful, something that will leave a lasting affect on those who read. But, I'm sorry to say that is just not going to happen today. I'm just sitting here while Elijah is napping and the laundry is running and starting to babble my way through this blog.
I have an idea, if you read my blog, I would love to get ideas about what you would like me to write about. I think that could be fun. It could turn out to be a sort of "get to know you" type of thing. I am going to leave this open to pretty much any subject within reason of course. :) So, help me out and give me some ideas.
Thanks, I look forward to hopefully getting some good feedback.
~LYNZ~ :)

Nature...

The biggest reason why I chose to start doing photography is simply because I love nature. This has to be my most favorite time of the year... why? Because the earth looks simply beautiful. I see it fitting to be writing this today... on Earth Day. I am amazed at how God crafted this earth so beautifully. The rocks, the trees and the flowers. They are all so unique. I took the featured photo here during our recent trip to Joshua Tree. This was such a cool day because we had expected to see tons of colorful flowers and blooming trees. unfortunatlely we were a little to early for that. So that's why this tree seemed to pop out. It had such a huge bloom on it and just seemed so perfect. Every time I look at this picture I am grateful because it reminds me that God will always reveal Himself to us wherever we need Him, even when we are in the middle of a desert where the land seems so dry and empty... He is there. I am so grateful for that.

A Very Merry Un-Birthday To You!!

Today is Elijah's six month birthday!! Six months?! My goodness how time has flown. We took him in to get his shots this morning and were there for-ever! I think we ended up getting home by noon. I can't stand doctors offices. So Elijah is now 25 inches long and weighs 18.3 lbs. That means he has gained five pounds in 2 months!! My goodness, I knew he was heavy! Everyone at the doctors office really loves on him. One of the nurses asked if she could "borrow" him for a little while and then walked him around the office and passed him around to the other nurses. Elijah is a little ham because he loved hanging out with those ladies. It's true that when you bring a baby around, no one gets any work done. :) The doctor still didn't want to take his skin tag off, he said he could wait another six months to do it, so I told him no and I wanted it done as soon as possible. Since he's going on vacation he asked if he could do it when he came back just in case something happened and Elijah needed to see the doctor again. So I compromised and said that he could do it in a month when he gets back. I really want to find a new pediatrition, so if anyone knows of a good one that is taking new patients, let me know. He is starting to get one tooth in, it's just coming in, so we are at the very beginning stages of teething... good times. So I guess we are going to hold off on getting him to sleep through the night. We are also going to start taking him to child care at the church on Sunday mornings... eeep. I'm kind of nervous because I don't want him to freak out when we leave him, but we've got to do it, and he'll get used to it. We are also now able to take him to the gym, so here he comes world, watch out for Eli!! So there's the latest. Also, we have some announcements that we have been meaning to send out, so if you haven't received one yet that means we need your address. Please email us and we'll get it out to you right away.
~LYNZ~ :)

To be Known...

Disclaimer: This will most likely be a long blog, if you do not have time to read this, I ask that when you do you, you will come back to read this. This weekend I attended a conference and would really like to share my heart with you. Thanks.

Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.


April 11-12, 2008.
This weekend I had the honor and privilege to attend a conference given by Beth Moore given through LifeWay. I haven't ever done a Beth Moore study nor have I read any of her books, but a friend asked me if I would like to go to this conference, so I said sure. Now, if you've been reading my past few blogs you'll know that I have been in somewhat of a spiritual desert, maybe more of a pit, and I have been doing what I can in this past few weeks to try and dig my way out of it. With the encouragement and accountability of friends as well as lots of prayer, I feel like that ditch is becoming more and more shallow. I am so excited because I feel as though the Lord has been preparing my heart for this weekend. He knew exactly what I needed to get from this weekend to help boost me along the way.

So the first evening we walked in and met up with some friends from the desert, it was wonderful seeing them. We entered into a time of musical worship led by Travis Cottrell and Praise Team. It was pretty powerful to hear over 9,000 women singing in unison to God. After that Beth came up and told us that we would be reading from Psalm 139. Apparently she's never taught from this passage and so we were all extremely excited to see what God had in store. The theme of the weekend was "To Be Known By God." The first passage was focused on verses 1-6. I think being "known by God hit me so hard because I need to be reminded that there is someone who is so much bigger than me and knows all of my wacky flaws and knows my inner most thoughts and knows what I've come from and still loves me. What was really cool was that Beth pointed out that God knows us in and out yet he does not cheat himself of searching us. She made a comparison to a relationship, we don't just pour our lives out to people when we first meet them, (most of us) we get to know someone by searching, by asking questions, by inquiring. Why would God choose to bypass such a unique experience. God also thinks that we are interesting, intriguing and worthy to be known. He knows our weaknesses. (Romans 8: 26-27 26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.) God has an intimacy with us because he searches. God knows what I am capable of and knows that I am capable of more than I think or realize. As average as I think I am, God thinks differently. I realize that even though I put a happy and confident face on, I am quite insecure. I have a huge fear of rejection and that is why I have become a people pleas er. I feel like I am slowly growing out of that, but it is who I have made myself and not who God wants me to be. I know that he has called me to be a confident woman of God. One who is constantly striving for more, who is not afraid to stand up for what I believe in and can be confident in front of someone who challenges my faith because God stands by my side. His is in front, above, behind and below.

Day two consisted of two different sessions. The first going through verses 7-12. The morning was a challenge to deal with our struggles. Not just saying we've dealt with them, but getting down to the root of them, whether the struggle was with addictions of various kinds, pride, disobedience, etc. A lot of times we think we've dealt with something but really we've only touched the surface. we've trimmed the hedges instead of digging deep where we get our hands dirty and dig out the roots no matter how deep they may be. It's funny, today the gardeners came by and tore out all of the weeds that were growing in the front yard and they left them on the sidewalk to pick up later on. As I walked outside to get the mail I thought to myself, this is what I need to do... I need to dig out these weeds, from the root up and give it up to God so he can get rid of them for good. When they were in the ground they seemed to just take over everything surrounding them, it actually took away from the beautiful plants that surrounded them. but now that they are out, I can see the beauty that the Gardner intended to be. In regards to the scripture, Beth said something I've never heard before, "God can't see in the dark, He doesn't see dark." He is the light! He shines on everything, whether it means he is showing us our own faults or just shining in our happiness. He shines.

Verses 13-24. Kraus Commentary on Psalm 139:17 When you were conceived, God had reverence. Reverence... the Hebrew word for reverence is Pala meaning wonderfully; to distinguish. God took time to knit our every being. She gave some stats as to how each cell looks and what is consists of and how many we have, to the amount of blood vessels throughout our hearts. it's amazing, God did all of that, how can anyone think we just happened to evolve? She also took us to Job 10: 1; 5-8; 15-16. Job writes about how much he hates himself and would just rather die. God put us all here to glorify Him somehow and self loathing is not apart of that purpose. As women, we have struggles with our self worth at times. We can never loathe ourselves and still love God, it just can't happen. We also think that we are showing humility through our "loathing" but in reality we are often hating ourselves and that is just another form of selfishness. In Jeremiah 1: 4-6 (4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying, 5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." 6 "Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.") God shows that he has a special love for each of us, he thinks we are precious to Him. Have you ever thought that God used baby talk with us? Telling us "look at my precious little baby." That same joy you get when you see your own child is the same joy that God has when He sees us, we are that special to him.

In the last few verses the writer speaks of hating Gods enemies. He asks God to "slay the wicked" and says he "abhors" these people, he has "nothing but hatred for them." Now, not everybody has this strong of feelings toward someone, it could be in a different form, but still, it is hate. If I am completely honest with you, I have one person that I truly hate in my life. I know that it is sinful to hate, but because of my past with this person and how I was treated, it is hard for me to find an ounce of like for this person, let alone love. It's interesting because this person has rooted their life into mine and now that they are not physically involved in my life, they are mentally. As much as I have said I have forgiven them and I no longer am affected by them is a lie. I would love to forgive them and find love for them, but I don't know how. This person was in my life for 14 years and a lot happened during that time that can scar a person. I ask for prayer because I know that I am not giving glory to God when I think of this person. He knows my heart, He know my pain, He knows how to rid me of the anger... I just need to figure it out. Beth asked us to turn our hatred into prayer and focus our energy on the Lord because it takes more energy to hate someone. It is easier to let God.
Psalm 139: 23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

So that is it. That is the weekend in a nutshell... a rather large nutshell. It may have seemed a little random, but I hope that God was able to speak to you anyway. I am trying to implement some things in my life already so that I can be a more loving wife, mother, and overall person. I want to bring glory to God in all that I do and say. He is who will help me to rid my heart of anything yuck that remains, He knows what I need and will help me along the way.

I leave you with this song. Thank you so much for reading. Love to you all.
He Knows My Name
Words and Music by Tommy Walker
© 1996 Doulos Publishing
Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee."
I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands
Chorus
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call
I have a Father
He calls me His own
He?ll never leave me
No matter where I go
Chorus
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call

Spring...

Well Spring has sprung and all the excitement that comes with it it has not failed to grace us with its presence. We have had the joy of being able to take Elijah to the beach as well as to Joshua Tree, one trip was wonderful and everyone had a great time, the other... not quite the same outcome. Taking Elijah to the beach was one of the most exciting experiences. We often forget about our first impression of a new thing because we were too young to actually remember the experience. Well, having a child kind of helps you to relive those things. The moment his feet touched that mud and watched the water slowly creeping away he had a huge smile on his face, then it turned into an uncertainty of what was going to happen next. I held onto to him as we slowly walked closer to the shore line in order for him to actually feel the ocean on his tiny baby feet. As Kirk was taking pictures of us we smiled and tip toed closer. Knowing that the San Diego beaches don't have the warmest of waters (this isn't Hawaii after all) I didn't want to shock him, so I tried to ease him is as slowly as I possibly could while looking at an anxious father with the camera held tightly and ready to shoot at any moment. The tide finally came in and Elijah loved it! His little feet sank into the sand as the water drifted back out and so we became a little more adventurous since Elijah didn't start screaming. The next step belonged to daddy. So I took my place as designated photographer and waited to see what step Kirk would take with my precious little boy. I knew in my head exactly what was going to happen, but wanted Kirk to have his moment with his son. We got our photo op and then Kirk started to walk closer and closer to the water, the next thing I know, Kirk is sitting Elijah down in the mud. Not a big deal right? Well, sure, but if you would have seen that water coming in you would be just as nervous as I was anticipating what was coming next. Now I may be a paranoid mom, but that ok, I get to be. :) The water finally came in and Elijah was waist deep in sea water... screaming! That cold water did not agree with him at all. I have to admit, it was a little funny and Kirk immediately took him out, but not before I got some awesome shots of his tight little fist and red face. After that we dried him off in his towel and held onto him to comfort him. We sat at the beach for a little while longer so I could take a few more shots and so Elijah could enjoy the sea breeze and sunlight. I'm sure the next time we go out there he will understand what he's getting into a little better. :)
Now as for Joshua Tree... oh Joshua Tree. I remember Joshua Tree from when I was much younger, my step dad took me to go rock climbing and it was one of the best experiences I've ever had. Well, I can't say poor Elijah had one of those experiences. We were all set to go, camera ready, water bottles filled, sun screen applied. we put Elijah in the hiking backpack and set off to do a little hiking. Well that day just happened to be pretty windy and the higher up we climbed, the more and more windy it got. Poor Elijah could not find his breath, so the walk was short lived... but again, not over before I got some great photos of him. He looked so darn cute in his new hat and camo tee shirt. We had driven that far to get out there so it wasn't like we were going to just turn around and head back home. Plus we had my dad, brother and his girlfriend with us. So poor little Elijah had to sit in his car seat while I went out to take pictures and daddy got to sit with him. Kirk got to take a break every so often as my dad watched Elijah as well as my brothers girlfriend. I got some great shots while we were there, but was slightly bummed at the lack of newly bloomed flowers. Oh well, maybe our next trip. Elijah was extremely well behaved while he was forced to stay in the truck that had gusts of 0mph, just how he liked it. :) He ended up taking a three hour nap and allowed us to enjoy a picnic and quiet ride home.
I love to experience new adventures with Elijah. It always turns out to be exciting one way or another.
On the personal front, I do believe I hit a wall big time this week. I have not really had a break and neither has Kirk. It's amazing how difficult it is to give all of yourself to two people, one who depends on you for survival and the other who depends on you for companionship. I love everything about my life, my husband and my son, but I have a hard time knowing when I need to take a time out. Well, I think when one is trying to set up a pack and play and doesn't succeed and is doing all they can to hold back tears... that would be the point when you say, no more, time out! Right now is my moment to take a break from cleaning, cooking, taking care of a child and hanging out with my hubby. I don't want to sound ungrateful or like I don't want to be with my family, but God commands us to take a sabbath and I have not been faithful in doing that... at all. My debriefing comes with being alone, reading, writing and taking photos. Today I am able to do 3 of the 4. Praise God that I have a husband who is willing to take care of me when he is just as tired. He works full time, is going to seminary full time and takes care of his home. He deserves as much of a break as I do.
An update on my spiritual walk, well, I have started On The Other Side of The Garden and have also been able to incorporate reading Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers which happens to be one of the best books I have ever read. The person I am reading with has already challenged me on how I can be a better help mate to my husband as well as lead my son. We have incorporated some homework so that we can keep each other accountable in different aspects of our relationships with our husbands as well as the Lord. I really feel like I am turning a corner, so i just pray that I will be able to keep it up. Having an accountability partner in this stage of my life is important. We are also reading with one other dear friend and are anxious to hear what she has been learning so far. God is definitely answering prayers so thank you to those who have been lifting me up.
Well, I believe that's it, my fingers hurt a little. I'm going to get back to some reading and then join my family for dinner. Thank you so much to those who read my blog, it is always encouraging to hear from you.
Also, if you are interested in seeing more of my photos or pictures of Elijah, here is the website.
www.flickr.com/photos/lynzmiller
Love to you all.
~LYNZ~ :)

Spiritual Desert...

Lately I have been feeling a certain dryness when it comes to my spiritual walk. I realize that I am not enjoying going to church, I merely go for the social aspect. I am distracted by my son when I do go. (Is it time to take him to child care?? AHH!) I hang out with some of my friends and don't feel uplifted at times. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends but I don't have many relationships that I feel are helping to sharpen me. I can count two people in my life (outside of my husband) that I can be completely open with and I respect spiritually.
So today I shared my heart with that person and felt like I was able to resolve some of my junk. My prayer life is wonderful... trust me, when you spend all day with a 5 month old you need to talk to someone... Jesus comes in handy at all times! So as a result of that I am, along with this person, going to start reading On The Other Side of The Garden by Virginia Ruth Fugate. I have read this book once before and man oh man, this book is amazing. I am hoping that as a result of this my spiritual life will be a beautiful green valley once again.
Please pray for me. Pray that I will find women in my life to help sharpen me and vice versa. oh how I long for the day when I can be surrounded by those amaazing women again, Lord, bring me those women.

Mornings are my favorite

Life has dramatically changed since I have become a mother but one of the less important changes is my joy of the morning. Although I have to wake up earlier than I would like I am always happy because I hear the happy coos of my little boy. He is such a morning person... not like mommy and daddy. The minute he sees your face he greets you with a big toothless grin and immediately starts talking to you. I can't think of a more beautiful sound. I thank God for this precious gift He has given us. It is a huge responsibility but such an honor to have.
On the home front, Kirk is almost done with school (for the summer) and I can't wait to have him home on those evenings again. It is wonderful to see how much he is enjoying school and how well he is doing. We just joined a gym and are ready to get into shape again. It was a decision that was a long time coming, but since it has been almost 5 months since I had Elijah it is time to get rid of that baby pooch.
Not much else is going on... life is going well and we are grateful for every day that we get.
Thanks for those who are reading this, I would love to hear your comments, but most of all would love to continue to share my life with you.

Friendships, Life and Ministry

I have been thinking about friendships a lot lately. Some old, some new, some that I can barely call friendships anymore. You see, I view my friends as family. Living in a place where you don't have much family, you'll understand how my friends can become so. But I wonder if I am being the friend that I desire to have. I wonder if there are friends that we don't talk to as often because we haven't been what they need so they've moved on. I hope not. I miss my friends from the desert lately and feel bad we haven't seen them in a while. Especially since Elijah was born. Some people I feel don't care to even speak to us anymore since they haven't called since Elijah was born, some have become extremely busy, don't we all. I don't know, this post is jumbled. I just want to be closer to people, I want them to know my son and I want my son to know them. He deserves to know these amazing people that we love. Anywho, I just pray that I can focus more on how to be a better friend and how to love them more.
Life has been pretty crazy these past few weeks. I got the flu and Kirk had to take care of me and the baby as well as work and attend school. Poor thing, he's had a lot to take in. I have not been that sick since we have been together so it was a rude awakening for the both of us. Elijah stayed healthy, thank God, and is growing like crazy. He is now 4 months old, weighs 14 pounds and is 24 inches long. He has pretty much outgrown all of his 0-3 month clothes, but has a few outfits that still fit. They are so cute that it is hard to part from them. What's really neat is that he now has a brand new wardrobe that we have been waiting to put him in. People blessed us with some adorable outfits and if it weren't for them, we would probably be in debt up to our ears trying to buy clothes for him. :):)
On a side note, I am trying to help my sister-in-law out with a ministry she started in Uganda called the Dorcas Widows Ministry. These women live of of less than a dollar a day and are responsible for the care of multiple children, some of which aren't even theirs. Not to mention that they all have HIV/Aids. They are some pretty amazing women. Anyway, they have created some beautiful pieces of jewelry and purses and we are selling them here in the states on their behalf. If you have the tim, please visit www.myspace.com/dorcaswidowsministry That will help explain more and you can also view some of the items we are selling.
So that is it for now, I can't wait to start posting more.

Motherhood

Elijah is almost 8 weeks old. Can you believe it?!! I sure can't. THe time has flown by so fast that I can hardly stand it. I have to say that I think I am falling into this motherhood thing pretty well. I am walking two days a week with friends... other moms. We have our little routine down and I can understand his different cries. There is such a great fulfillment knowing that you are meeting someone's needs. Again, I really feel like I am falling into the calling that God has made specifically for me. I have never felt more complete in my life, not to say life was bad before, I just hated working at a desk. Towards the end of my job I wasn't interacting with people enough and that was torture. Now I interact with my son on a daily basis and I m building strong relationships with new and old friends.
I don't have much time to blog today... I am baking cookies. :) But I will be back later.
Oh yeah, Elijah has his shots on Thursday so please pray for strength for all of us.